pray for people in gaza strip

It's been four days now. Will they be able to celebrate new year? Let's pray for them..

year end reflection

In a few hours, the year 2008 will come to an end and a new year will greet us. I have a habit of making self-reflection every end of the year and making a new year’s resolution the day after that. Yeah I hope this doesn’t become something legalistic and a yearly routine which means the reflection and the resolution and I made every year just become something that “I must do every year for the sake of just doing it” but I really want them to shape me to be a Christlike Christian.

I came upon this popular verse from the Bible during my quiet time today. It’s from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. “For everything there’s a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (ESV, v.1). Although I’ve heard this passage for so many times, yet it reminded me again and again that there’s always an appropriate time for everything! I still prefer to “laugh” rather than to “weep”, to “dance” rather than to “mourn”, to speak rather than to silence. All of our times are in God’s hand. In every season that we are currently in, remember to trust God. Trusting Him should be the only thing that knows no seasons. Some questions came as I pondered upon this passage. Do I really letting Him to take control of my whole life, do I really trust Him? Or do I sometimes struggle to take the steer back from His control? Do I have the sensitiveness to hear His calling and His will on me? Or did I ever insist to do this and that even though I knew it clearly that it’s not yet the time for me, just because of my lack of self control and my lack of trust to His plan?

Yeah, I used this day to reflect back on what have I done in this year. Many things have happened in this year. I got a chance to go to Germany for an exchange program for one semester (it was from March to the end of August), able to visit my uncle and aunt there, making new friends, and traveling! I was able to see how many people have turned away from God. And one thing that I regretted so much is that during that exchange time, I was far from Him… During the last month of my stay in Europe, God helped me to rise up again. When I returned back to Singapore, many things have changed. Some of my friends did really change. Think because of the camp last May. Many of them said that it was a life-changing camp. Somehow I regretted going to Europe just wasting money, travelling for nothing. I felt that I should have stayed in Singapore with my friends and join in the camp. When I was in Europe, I hardly contacted them. But one of my friend said, “You have an experience of your own there in Europe.” Simple yet true, I have a chance to see how so many people have become morally degraded, I can feel the time of loneliness and away from Him, and a joyous time when He rebuked me and called me back.

Back to the passage from Ecclesiastes, I found that I am still lacking in my trust on His plan. I worried too much about things that I shouldn’t have worried about, on things that in the end He will provide me. I really want to live according to this verse: “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (ESV, Matthew 6:32-34).

I haven’t found the path that God has provided me to go, the “good works” that He has provided for me to do. I’m still praying for the possibility to serve Him fully, or to work and then continue my study and serve Him as a tentmaker. My prayer is so that God lead me to understand His will for me, for I have seen and felt His own mercy and goodness in my life.

This year as well, God rebuked me so hard. God showed me everything that I’ve done in the past that is not unsightly in His eyes. He showed me how bad and unworthy I am. I remembered the first time I have given myself for Him in December 2006, and what have I done from that day onwards? Nothing! I didn’t become better, stagnant, or perhaps getting worst. I kept repeating the same mistake again and again, the same sin again and again. I tried to run from that commitment that I’ve taken in the year 2006. I was reprimanded. I had so much regret about those few years back, pondering whether or not I can return back and fix up everything (of course this is just a stupid wish). But how easy it is if people can go back to their past just to fix everything that they felt it isn’t right. God doesn’t want us to be like that, not even me. He wants us to learn from past mistakes that He had showed us, and to closely follow Him in order to change. God has revealed Himself to me and make me believe in Him of course not for nothing. He already gave me one more chance to change myself. And this is it, a time for change. I won’t let this chance go away just like so many previous chances God has given me. There are many things that I need to change and I need to learn…

I also have a communication problem. Did you know why God created men with 2 ears and just 1 mouth? It’s because He wants us to listen two times more than we speak (this is just my own interpretation ha2.) And this is what I lack. I talked too much! Worst is that I rarely talked about how I felt and what’s my feeling about this and that… (Singaporean called it “talking cock”:P). Maybe it is because I never really talked about my own feelings to my family. My mom is the closest person in my family, but I didn’t really tell her my feelings. It will be very awkward for me. With my younger siblings, the same thing also happened. With my dad is worst. One counselor in my university’s Christian fellowship once said this to me, “Although you really like to talk, you are still the most mysterious person I know.” I was surprised. It was 3 years ago, during my first camp in Singapore. From that time onwards, I tried to express my feelings to my friends but I still found it hard, and even on some cases very hard. When I have a conflict with someone, or when I felt a disappointment with someone, I didn’t feel like talking to them. A childish attitude, and indeed that’s what I usually did. Another bad thing related to my mouth is that sometimes I talk before I think what are the consequences of talking about this and that to the other people. This is worst. Many of my friends have become disappointed with me because of this. Being a stumbling block for other people is something that many Christians wanted to avoid of course. That applies to me as well…

God has showed me so many things this year…

I’m going to close this year without anymore regret. And I would like to close this reflection with a psalm from David:

“I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

--Psalm 16: 7-10

writing again?

It's been a while (not really a while though, two years!) since my last entry here. Many things have happened during that time. Time flies really fast. I'm now in my final semester in NUS (yeah still in NUS). I need to apply for jobs real soon. I really want to continue my study actually. US is my main destination. But still, I have this 6 years (!) working bond in Singapore because of my scholarship. I'm thinking of working for maybe 3 years, saving money, pay up the remaining amount of my bond, go to the States and get my PhD degree there. A bit of idealism.. But yeah I'm also still struggling on my calling, what is the "good works which God prepared beforehand" for me. Yeah, vision. What's the vision that God has entrusted upon me to do. Hmm yeah I still have a lot to learn. Currently I'm doing my FYP. Hope can finish everything in this coming semester. Maybe I'll continue writing here, posting some of my thoughts. Hope I'll have time for that.